It is a straightforward three-step process for counseling. This method is used when someone comes to you with a concern or wanting to talk about something. This is for normal neurotics like you and me" and not to deal with people with serious psychiatric disorders.
It does not give advice (a trap for any counseling method). If you follow this approach you will not harm anyone and likely be doing a lot of good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening means being able to comprehend the message as well as the emotions that go with it.
Cerebral comprehension isn't enough.
Don't make statements that determines the problem or other person's feelings; ask instead. Don't say, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". It's not, "The issue is . . ." But instead, "You think the problem is . . ." " or "The approach you take is . . . ". At this stage it may be enough to say "uh-huh" or nod your head.
This stage ends when the person begins talking about the causes of the problem. You'll know you've succeeded when you have the agreement of the root of the problem and what the person feels about it.
Stage Two The second stage is Exploratory listening
When the person speaking to you is comfortable, they'll then move onto more in-depth discussions. This is the time to begin asking questions. Inquiring if they've felt this way before; What they have tried in similar situations, whether it worked or not; Whether there are other thoughts and emotions happening for them. You can, if you see something clearly make observations of the things you observe. Things like, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. In this case, it's better to ask questions than to make statements.
The critical issue in this moment is staying in touch with their feelings at the level they feel them.
If you can't do this, tell them; don't fake it. You could Teen Counseling Articles say, "Sorry, I can't handle this right now." They'll appreciate it more than pretending (and they'll be able to tell whether you're just playing).
This phase is finished when the issue is seen differently and a different perspective is gained.
Stage Three: Trying Different Things
When they begin to see things differently, they can start to do things in a different way, or at the very least, plan to.
When someone comes to you with a concern is to jump to this point immediately. This is not a good idea. What is needed is time to explore what is happening and to look at it in a different way.
At this stage you can suggest what been successful for you.
Don't be enticed by the phrase "Yes, but . . . ".
If they give reasons that your suggestions aren't working Don't debate. Instead, ask them what they have tried, why it didn't work, and what they can do differently this time.
It is possible to arrange the possibility of them checking in with you to ensure that they can monitor the progress they make with their new approach to performing things.
The stage is finished when they test their new behaviours with you or when they've got an idea of the new behavior they would like to test with other people.
The process is largely about listening.
The other person always knows more about their own situation than you do.
Don't give any advice on what people should do. In the final stage, you might want to share what has worked for you if you have dealt with a similar issue yourself.
With a bit of practice, you'll become quite proficient very quickly in this area. You may well become someone people come to 'for advice'. So long as you adhere to this procedure, and don't offer advice, you'll be doing lots of good and aid many people.